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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226241">daisies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiotadashi/pseuds/scorpiotadashi'>scorpiotadashi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hanahaki Disease, Liberal use of the word 'fuck', M/M, Mentions of Blood, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:15:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,788</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28226241</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scorpiotadashi/pseuds/scorpiotadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The supposed pure white petals of a daisy stared up at Koushi, as if taunting him. He will never love you.</p><p>Daichi will never love you.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>daisies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>daisy - pentagon</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Daisies.</p><p>“Why though, they’re so … plain?” Suga questioned Daichi’s favorite flower while walking alongside him home.</p><p>“That’s what makes them so beautiful, they symbolize innocence and gentleness. Just like you!” Suga blushes at his off-handed comment.</p><p>That’s when it all started.</p><p>Daisies.</p><p>…</p><p>It started only with just a few buds, but it still shocked the innocent Sugawara Koushi. <em>Why, why me?</em> He only heard about Hanahaki disease through rumors and stories. Fables. <em>This shouldn’t be real,</em> he says as he heaves onto the ceramic tiles of his bathroom. <em>This can’t be real,</em> he pleads as his eyes water.</p><p>The supposed pure white petals of a daisy stared up at Koushi, as if taunting him. <em>He will never love you. </em></p><p>
  <em>Daichi will never love you. </em>
</p><p>…</p><p>Sugawara Koushi reads. He reads and he reads and he reads. Research papers, gossip pages, news articles, tabloids, real-life incidents. Fuck, he even read those fucking fanfictions. Nothing, nothing helped. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t real, that this was all some fever dream and that he was going to wake up soon. The soft daisy buds in his hands said otherwise.</p><p>The buds, then the petals. After that, well who knows. Some got the thorns, some didn’t. Most of them passed away. Some got the surgery, and never felt again. Suga didn’t want any of that. He just wanted one thing. He wanted it, fuck he’d literally die without it. But, just as the daisy buds told him, he knew. He was never going to get it.</p><p>…</p><p>Keeping it a secret turned out to be very difficult for the ever so bubbly Sugawara Koushi. He began to act different. Well, who wouldn’t when you’re coughing your crush’s favorite flower out of your mouth every fucking day. Hinata was the first one to notice, having no filter while exclaiming, “You look sick!” Kageyama slapped the back of his head, and Suga would laugh if he could. Instead, he proved Hinata’s theory, rushing to the nearest bathroom.</p><p>The next thing he saw was darkness as he collapsed onto the bathroom floor.</p><p>…</p><p>The white popcorn ceiling of what he recognized was the school’s infirmary greeted him as he roused, the dull ache in his chest reminding him of reality.</p><p>“Suga-san?” Tanaka’s inquisitive voice erased any trace of exhaustion in Suga, heading turning so he could face him.</p><p>“What happened? Are you ok?”</p><p>Tanaka chuckled dryly. “I should be the one asking you the same thing, I was so scared.”</p><p>Suga’s head fell back onto the pillow. “Did you … see?”</p><p>“Yeah, I did.” Tanaka hesitates. “Suga you … you should get the surgery.”</p><p>Sugawara’s eyes widened. “W-what? Why? It’s not even that bad.”</p><p>“Suga I know why you’re hesitating. You think you’re gonna become emotionless. You don’t want to let go of the feelings you have for them. For Daichi.” Suga flinches. “You … you knew?” Tanaka chuckled once more. “Well when I’ve been through the same things as you, I can tell pretty easily.”</p><p>“T-tanaka you-” “It’s not something I talk about often, or at all.” Tanaka’s eyes looked dazed.</p><p>“Who … who was it?” Tanaka’s face went blank before returning to his normal determined expression. “That doesn’t matter, Suga. What matters is you. The blood is going to start coming soon, it’s not fun. Then it’s going to be too much, there could be a point of no return.”</p><p>“That could take a while though, I can … I can wait for longer.”</p><p>“Suga I can’t bear to see you like this. Pretty soon people are going to notice. I … we can’t lose you, not you.” Suga turned his head towards Tanaka once more, seemingly in confusion. “Daichi might be the captain, but you … you’re the heart of the team. You bring the light into the team, you’re the glue. The team would fall apart without you, we would fall apart without you.” Suga gaped at Tanaka, shocked. A deep blush spread through Tanaka’s face, and he got up from his chair next to the infirmary bed. “From one person to another … friend to a friend, getting the surgery over with is better. Just think about it, okay?”</p><p>And think about it, Suga did.</p><p>…</p><p>Just as Tanaka stated, people did start to notice that he was sick, mainly the Karasuno volleyball team. Thankfully, they didn’t quite realize that it was Hanahaki just yet. But the constant <em>‘Are you sure you’re ok?’</em>s, the supposedly reassuring pats on the back, the <em>‘If you need me I’m here’</em>s began to annoy him. Don't get him started on the <em>‘Are you <strong>sure</strong> you’re ok?’s.</em> Tanaka gave him knowing glances, as if telling him <em>I told you so.</em> He was tired, he was oh so tired, and everyone could tell.</p><p>Especially Daichi.</p><p>Daichi could see right through him, could see that he was hiding something for the team. He wordlessly tried to convince Suga, <em>I’m here, talk to me please, I’m here.</em> Suga didn’t listen. Daichi tried to catch up to Suga after practice, <em>Suga, wait!</em>. Suga ran away. Daichi tried to text him, <em>I’m here, ok?</em>. Suga ignored.</p><p>This was his suffering. His burden, no one else’s.</p><p>Definitely not Daichi’s.</p><p>…</p><p>Suga packs up his bag, ready to exit the locker room, when the sound of the door slamming reverberates throughout the empty room. “Suga?”</p><p>Suga’s breath hitches as he turns around to face the man that is responsible for it all. “Hello Daichi.”</p><p>“Suga please don’t.” Suga tries to make his way to push past Daichi when he gets stopped.</p><p>“Suga<em> please</em> don’t.”</p><p>Suga feels his resolve collapsing. “Don’t what? Tell me Daichi, tell me what I shouldn’t do.”</p><p>“Stop pulling away from all of us! Stop pulling away from <em>me.</em>”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Tears pricked at his eyes.</p><p>“You’re hiding something, Suga! You- you keep leaving during practice, you don’t talk to anyone. You don’t talk to <em>me</em>. I’ve been your best friend for <em>years</em>, what am I even here for if I don’t get to talk to you?!”</p><p>“It’s none of your <em>fucking</em> business.” Suga hisses.</p><p>“Then whose is it, huh?! Whose is it?!” Daichi’s resolve was breaking as well.</p><p>“Why do you give a fuck?!” Suga tried to grasp the last of his ever-crumbling facade.</p><p>“Because I love you!”</p><p>“You have <em>no</em> idea what love means, <strong><em>none</em></strong>.”</p><p>“Suga what-” Suga pushed past Daichi, rushing off to the nearest bathroom, petals weighing against his throat. “Wait, Suga wait plea-” Suga ran out of his earshot.</p><p>He slammed the bathroom door open and heaved. His stomach hurt, his throat hurt, his heart. He could taste the blood in his mouth. But more importantly, he tasted the fresh scent, the sunshine of the daisies.<em> Fuck you, <strong>fuck you. </strong></em></p><p>“Who.” Suga jolts at the sudden intrusion. “Who is it.”</p><p>Suga stuttered, “I- I don’t-”</p><p>“Suga please, please tell me.” Daichi’s voice cracked as he bent down to grasp Koushi’s shoulders. “Tell me, Koushi.” Suga sobs at the use of his first name. He sobs and sobs and that’s he does, all he can manage to do. Daichi sits with him through it all, cradling him in his arms.</p><p>“Whoever the fucker is that’s making you go through this doesn’t deserve you, you know that right?”</p><p>“They do, though.” Suga managed to snivel out.</p><p><em> They really do</em>.</p><p>…</p><p>Sugawara Koushi collapsed onto the familiar cold of the white ceramic tiles on his bathroom floor, stomach aching and throat screaming, the blood-stained petals contrasting the tiles. In the back of his mind was Tanaka’s voice, urging him to get the surgery, <em>please get the surgery.</em> Even Suga’s own brain was trying to convince him to get it, reassuring that <em>you will heal, it will all be ok.</em> Suga didn’t want reassurance, he didn’t want to heal. He just wanted Daichi to love him back.</p><p>That was his last wish.</p><p>His dying wish.</p><p>…</p><p>Sawamura Daichi tried to focus on his calculus homework when his phone buzzed with his set ringtone for Suga. Suga? Suga! He rushed to pick up the phone, speaking frantically.</p><p>“Suga, Suga are you okay? Is everything alright? Do you need help?”</p><p>Silence.</p><p>And then a breath.</p><p>A chuckle.</p><p>A sigh.</p><p>“It’s you.” Suga’s voice sounded weaker than it ever has been.</p><p>“What? Suga please tell me, is everything alright?” Daichi’s heart felt like it's going to explode from the anxiousness.</p><p>“It’s you Daichi, it’s always been you. You’re the fucker.” The line cut off.</p><p>And Daichi’s world went dark.</p><p>…</p><p>
  <em>Daichi, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Uh … hey! I really don’t know how to start this lol. So, if you’re reading this, I’m probably gone. So I might as well tell you all my feelings, because I can’t be embarrassed anyways lol. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I loved you. God fucking dammit, I loved you. I loved the way you could command the entire room with your presence. I loved the way you were determined to do anything you set your mind to. I loved the way that even though you tried to put up a tough exterior, you still stopped to smell the flowers. The daisies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Goddammit those fucking daisies. I’m honestly surprised that you didn’t catch onto my feelings earlier. You know I coughed up daisies right? For you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tanaka urged me to get the surgery. And I considered it. I thought and thought about it. But I didn’t do it. Because no matter how much it pained me, physically and mentally, I couldn’t let go of you. You, the person who stuck with me through high school. I couldn’t lose the emotions and the memories of you. It didn’t matter if I could heal after the surgery, I couldn’t lose the utter joy I had from the moments that we had together. I couldn’t lose the daisies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>At first, I fucking hated the daisies. I mean, I was fucking coughing them up, how would you expect me not to hate them? But the more I coughed them up, the more I thought of the happiness that we made together, the love that I had for you. The sunshine of the daisies mended my heart just as much as they hurt it. I was being selfish when I decided that I wouldn’t get the surgery, and for that I am truly sorry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did, for ignoring you. I should have told you, I should have talked to you. I carried the burden so no one else would have to. I didn’t want you to feel responsible, to blame yourself for my suffering. I didn’t want to add another weight to your shoulders. Please, please forgive me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, so so much. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yours forever, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sugawara Koushi</em>
</p><p>Next to the letter laid a flower.</p><p>A white pristine daisy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok so i'd like to think that suga wrote the letter at a daisy patch he found with daichi and that's where he died, and the daisy at the end is from that patch but idk how to incorporate that into the fic-</p><p>also take tanaka's character as you will, there might be a companion to this</p><p>constructive criticism is much appreciated !! :D</p></blockquote></div></div>
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